im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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