Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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