I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just had sex on a roof
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
