Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
