There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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