She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
