It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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