A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
