Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
