remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
