i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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