The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize
