I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
