Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
