so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
