Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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