ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
