Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
