Will you blow on my dice?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
