this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
