Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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