drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
