i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
