I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
