just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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