Buhtt sex?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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