just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
