i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
