mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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