why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
