I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
