There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize