Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize