yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
