are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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