i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
