I just saw a hot homeless man
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
