Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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