It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize