Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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