i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
