we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
