I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
