Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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