So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
