You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
