No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
