I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This is my gift to your gina
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
