I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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