Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
