my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize