Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
