So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
