My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
