he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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