i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
