get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
