honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
