i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I understand Curling. That high.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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