i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
