He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
