you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The uberlube is also flammable
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
