Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
