Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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