Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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