You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize