just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
