gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize