I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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