I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
