I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize