I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
