John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
